Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer
by panda-sensei
Summary: When you go home, you are supposed to feel safe. All Sasuke feels is pain, fear and neglect. Tormented by the very family that is supposed to protect him. Warnings; Bad summary, Abuse, Rape, Yaoi, Rated M. Part II:4 FINALLY up.
1. Part I :1

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**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

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**PART I**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **There will be abuse in this story. If you are easily affected by things like that, or have just come here to flame my awfulness, please refrain from doing so. I am looking for constructive criticism to better myself, and would appreaciate reviews. The abuse may include NCS, and there may be yaoi in later chapters. If you don't know what yaoi is, either look it up or don't read the chapters that it will be included in. I will warn before them.

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There was a chill mist blanketing the world outside the window. The grass was frozen; each blade coated in ice, footsteps printed in a path through the lawn. The moon hung low in the sky, the surveyor of all, denizen of the night. Rooftops grazed the sky further along the street, each house filled with the same grandiose dreams. So much wealth; so little time to put it to use. When you were obscenely rich, the cash flow never stopped.

The street was still, silent, its roads beginning to freeze over in the cold night air. The night sky was clear, cloudless; the stars twinkling brightly above the quiet world beneath it; or, at least, just in that neighbourhood.

A thin, pale face surveyed the scene with an odd expression; perhaps disdain, or maybe just emptiness; the boy's face was difficult to read. Dark lashes curled over empty eyes, and porcelain skin gave him a doll-like appearance; had he not been blinking, one could have mistaken him for a mannequin.

With a sigh, the boy turned away, looking back into the grand room he was stationed in, or rather, what _should_ have been a grand room. Instead, this place was completely the opposite of every other room in the house, the antagonist to the plot. There was no grandeur here; it was as if the room was taken from somewhere else, a much poorer neighbourhood.

There were no intricately-designed curtains gracing his window, and the room was not large. The walls were blank and bare; revealing nothing about the boy who stayed in there. A carpet-less stone floor drew the warmth from the room, leaving it cold and not at all desirable. No furniture was on display; and for a bed, there was simply a small bundle of blankets, hidden away in the corner.

His footsteps were almost silent as he walked over to the place in which he stepped, ignoring the cold of the floor beneath him. He crouched, wincing, and lay amongst the blankets, trying to pull them around himself to preserve what little warmth he had. His breath was visible on the air, and with every breath he took, his lips grew colder.

He was not lucky tonight; just as he had not been lucky for a long time. Luck avoided him like he was cursed; sometimes he wondered.

The boy's stomach growled, protesting at the lack of food he had given it. The hunger was making him feel faintly sick, and he prayed that some divinity would take pity on him, and spare him another day without food. Ribs were curving from his chest nowadays, and it pained him to be still for more than a few minutes. His appearance sickened him; his arms and legs looked wrong. He flexed his aching fingers, the tendons in his hand clearly visible as the protested against his movement.

Sleep did not come easily that day; he was not blessed enough to be granted that one solace.

* * *

The sunlight burned into his eyelids as the sun rose that morning, paining his tired eyes. It was not any warmer in his room, not even with the sun weakly attempting to shine its warmth upon him. He did not look forward to each day, and he doubted the day looked forward to greeting him. He arose swiftly, noting that he had his chores to do before anyone else awoke with the coming of the dawn.

The warmth of the rest of the house shocked him slightly as he left his room. He had never realised why, but it always surprised him to be reminded of how much colder his room was. Delighting in the sudden cosiness, he begrudgingly walked towards the family kitchen. There were a few stacks of dirty dishes stacked by the sink, but apart from that, the room looked relatively clean. _Not clean _enough_, though,_ the boy thought sadly.

He ran the warm water from the tap, letting his hands heat up underneath it before it got too warm to touch. He reached forward for the brand liquid they had for washing up; after all, just water wasn't going to kill the germs left on their dirty dishes. Not _his_ dishes, of course; he had gone hungry.

Almost robotically, the small boy picked up dish after dish, methodically cleaning and checking them, one after the other. He stacked each plate neatly on the other side of the basin, making sure to be careful as he placed them. After all, a smashed plate now wouldn't fare to well on his behalf, especially not this early in the morning.

He allowed his mind to wander as he washed the dirt from the dishes, pondering on nothing in particular. He hadn't even bothered to pretend to care about anything for years; why should he bother with himself?

Footsteps behind him caught his attention, and he was glad as he placed the final plate on the pile. He spun around as fast as he could, knowing he would need to greet and apologise to whoever was gracing him with their presence.

A tall, black-haired boy entered the room, eyes dull and uncaring.

"Good morning, sir." The smaller boy bowed. The other boy just gave him an odd look, and walked over to the bread bin. He sliced himself two pieces of bread, then placed the emotionlessly into the toaster.

"Father says it is time for you to attend school again. You will do or say nothing to arouse suspicion." The taller boy stated, blankly. He was much larger than the smaller of the two of them, though he was not large in the slightest. He was rather slim, actually, but the boy facing him was tiny and undernourished. The younger nodded.

"Yes, sir."

The toaster popped and the taller boy pulled out the toast and left the room, leaving the younger to stare after him, almost longingly.

* * *

The ice from the night before still coated the paths, making the ground hazardous. The young boy was having difficulty keeping his balance, and his arms were raised slightly by his sides, trying to assist him in his quest. He could see other children laughing as the skidded along the surfaces of the pavements, pushing each other recklessly in what he regarded as a crude game. It was unnecessary and trivial.

"Nice ankle swingers!" a grinning boy yelled at the young boy, grinning and full of bravado. The child simply ignored him; years of practice meant that insults simply bounced off him without drawing a reaction. It was true his trousers were too short, and the sleeves of his shirt were slightly too short, but hand-me-downs that hadn't been changed in years were bound to be slightly too small. Not that he had grown much since then, however; the nutrition, or rather, lack of it had seen to it that his growth was particularly slow.

* * *

He barely noticed the chill air as he arrived at the school gates, as his body had become accustomed to it some time ago. He had stopped hoping to be given more layers for years, now, as he knew the hope was foolish. Nobody had given him anything for a long time.

He joined the steady flow of students pouring into the school grounds, and was once again reminded of an ant colony. So methodical, repetitive and boring; the students also sometimes reminded him of lemmings, all following each other and conforming to the un-said rules. They bored him, and in turn, he supposed, he bored them. Not that anyone had taken the time to get to know him, of course; no-one had bothered with that.

* * *

He sat, stock-still in his allocated seat, not even bothering to watch as his fellow pupils filed into the classroom for the morning roll call. His eyes remained fixed on a particularly boring patch of wall and the front of the room, and he ignored the strange looks his other students were shooting him. Their teacher entered the class, scarf piled up to his nose as usual, and an eye patch covering his left eye.

"Sasuke." The man stated, noticing him sitting there, "You're back."

Sasuke didn't acknowledge that he had heard his teacher, but this was not unusual for him. Barely a word had passed his pale lips in his entire time spent at the school. Nobody bothered to chastise him for his rudeness anymore; everyone was used to it by now.

* * *

He walked around to his lessons, barely aware of who he was or where he was going; he was paying so little attention that he didn't realise he had been sat in his fourth lesson for ten minutes more than he should have been after the lunch bell had rung.

"Are you alright?" his teacher asked, concern written all over her face.

"Fine, miss." He replied stiffly, and gathering his books together, got up and left. The little part of him that still existed inside his empty shell wondered where he should go; having no friends meant that lunchtime was spent alone, either wandering around or sitting in one of his many hiding places that he had found over the years.

He finally settled on sitting behind a large oak tree, its branches stretching towards the sky as if begging for freedom. _From what_, he absentmindedly wondered, _what could it possibly have to escape from?_

Sasuke pulled out his sketchbook, thankful that it had been given to him by the school art department. He had no money, and so would have gone without if it hadn't been for the kindred spirits who worked there. He owed the drawing pencils he owned to them too.

He genuinely enjoyed drawing. It took him to a different planet, one where he no longer had to worry about anything, where he was the only person in existence. No-one was there to ignore him, and no-one could hurt him. It was just him and his drawing, at peace. He flicked through the pages, wondering what to draw next.

"That's good, you know."

Sasuke spun round, hands raised up to protect his face. The boy kneeling behind him gave him a strange look, and then grinned, rubbing the back of his hair in an embarrassed manor. "A little jumpy, huh?" Sasuke didn't reply, lowering his fists but still keeping his expression guarded. "Not very talkative, either..." the other boy mumbled. "I don't think we've met, but I'm in a few of your classes." The boy babbled on, "and you've been away for quite some time. Skiving?"

"...What?"

"Y'know, playing tardy."

Sasuke had no idea what 'playing tardy' was, and nor did he care. He fixed his best blank stare onto his face and gave the other boy a look that most people would realise meant he didn't want to talk to, see or know them. This boy, however, seemed completely impervious to his now-glare. He was still rambling on, so Sasuke simply switched off. He did not care for mindless drivelling; his father had always said it dulled the mind.

"...and so I told him, you can't say that! It'll—Hey, are you listening?!" Sasuke looked up, finally brought out of his reverie. _Thank god, he's stopped talking_. "That's really rude, you know."

Sasuke could have cried with joy when the bell finally rang, enticing him back to the classroom for more lessons. He had been stuck under the insufferable blond's presence for the entire lunch break, and he now wished he had gone to one of his hidden places. He cursed his stupidity.

* * *

The school day ended, and Sasuke walked down the streets towards his home, alone. This was not unusual for Sasuke; he was always alone. He couldn't remember a time when anyone accompanied him anywhere; not that he would want anyone to, of course. He was happier alone, with no-one to ask questions or pester him.

The door to the beautiful house of perhaps an oriental origin was thankfully open that day. Sasuke remembered the last time he had walked home from school, it had been locked, and he had been forced to wait for hours until someone opened the door. Ringing the doorbell was forbidden to him, and so was knocking. If the door was locked, it was hard luck. If he knocked, he might interrupt someone, them thinking it might be someone important, then it turning out to only be him.

He slipped his shoes off before entering the house; the floors had to be kept immaculately clean, as did the rest of the house, and if he dirtied them, it would only be more work for himself.

He slipped quietly into his room on the ground floor, thankful that he had been moved out of the basement a few weeks ago when guests had attended a formal meal. He had also been required to attend, and cook the meal. It had been the first decent meal he had eaten in a long time, and so he had been thankful for the opportunity. 'Sir' believed that bad children should get what bad children deserved, and one of his forms of punishments was lack of food. He resented the punishment system.

Laying his school bag down in the corner of his 'bedroom' by his 'bed', he left the room to start his chores before They arrived back.

Sasuke journeyed down into the cellar, taking out a mop and a bucket. He filled the bucket with a mixture of water and bleach, and began to bleach the tiled floors of the front hall and kitchen. He found this cleaning strangely calming, as if he was washing his own troubles away with the bubbles that formed as he scrubbed.

Lost in his own thoughts, he was shocked when the door suddenly opened, to reveal a laughing young woman and a smiling man. They noticed he was standing there, and the expressions slid from their faces like the dirt from the floor he was cleaning. They were early.

"Why haven't you finished?" the now stern-faced man asked, anger entering his tone, "You were supposed to be finished before we arrived back." His tone was low and dangerous.

Sasuke looked desperately at the woman, recognising his fear rising again. She just looked at him with a disappointed expression on her face; _always disappointed..._

"I-I'm sorry, sir, I'll work faster in the future, I promise." Sasuke managed to say, his voice sounding higher and more scared than usual. His breath hitched in his throat and he choked, eyes watering as the woman continued to frown at him. The man was suddenly there, next to his face and hissing in his ear.

"Damn right you will, _boy_." He sneered, glowering at Sasuke, who silently begged himself not to cower. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get on with it!"

Sasuke looked at the floor and began scrubbing again, heart sinking. It wasn't any different. He still disappointed Her and He still hated him.

"I _said,_ get on with it." The man hissed, grabbing Sasuke's hair. The young boy yelped, he couldn't help it as he felt several hairs permanently part from his scalp. "Pathetic." The man hissed, shoving Sasuke away. He hit the floor, noting that he was going to bruise where one of his bony hips hit the floor. The pain didn't hurt nearly as much as Their rejection. He scrambled to his feet as They started to walk away, getting back to the task at his hands.

* * *

He was finally finished, much later when it was dark. Everyone else in the house had gone to bed long ago, tired. He was starving; it was his second day without food. Stomach screaming, he crept silently into the kitchen, begging that he had been right and that everyone _had _gone to sleep. Silently praising the heavens as he found the kitchen empty, he opened the fridge, flinching slightly as the light made a whirring noise as if flashed on. He looked rapidly around for something that wouldn't be missed, eyes finally settling on a container that had some slices of ham still left in it. He took the plastic package out, mouth watering. In his haste to get something to eat, he stepped backwards and collided with something very hard, something that was definitely _not_ air.

"And just what do you think _you're_ doing?" He hissed, eyes slits as he glared Sasuke down.

"N-nothing, sir, I'm sorry, sir, I'm just so hun—"

"Did I say you could eat something?"

"No sir, b-but please, my stomach hu—" Sasuke was cut off as something smashed into the side of his face, sending him reeling into the fridge.

"You will _not_ disobey me!" the man cried, his voice becoming steadily louder, "You _will _obey, and you _will_ have discipline!"

Sasuke whimpered and shrank back into the fridge as a fist curled into his stomach, feeling liquid surge up his throat. He coughed as it seeped out over his lips and onto the floor beneath him as he bent double in pain. He was still punching him as he retched, nothing coming up but a watery liquid. Sasuke screamed as something in his side cracked, red-hot pain shooting through his side as tears flooded his eyes. The man punched him in the side again and he reeled back again with the pain, this time his head cracking into the side of the kitchen counter. He felt something warm and sticky gently trickling down the side of his forehead, his head feeling as though it had been split in two. He could barely see anymore from the pain as he was just repeatedly punched, again and again.

He was suddenly aware he was being kicked, with no memory of having fallen to the floor, ribs screaming in agony. He could hear someone _actually_ screaming far away, and he wasn't sure whether it was him or not. His mouth was open, but he felt so disconnected from it and distracted by the pain that he wasn't so sure it was him anymore. Something cracked in his side again, and he screamed, fully aware this time as his tears poured from his eyes, begging Him to stop, pleading again and again. The man kicked him in the stomach again then stepped back, admiring his handiwork. Sasuke felt his stomach heave again, and he retched up the liquid again, this time its colour more pinkish. He retched again, over and over, blood finally spilling over his lips as he collapsed, shaking and sobbing. The man was still standing there, watching him with a disgusted expression on his face.

"Maybe this will finally teach you." The man hissed, and before he turned to go, he spat on the small, shaking boy at his feet. The boy just lay there, sobbing in a small puddle of his own blood, tears and stomach acid, crying as the darkness threatened to swallow him.

As the older man walked away, Sasuke was sat there, muttering something over and over without stopping. He was staring forward, unseeing, as he murmured to himself, not blinking, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, occasionally letting out a small whimper.

* * *

His blood-flecked lips were still moving the next morning when the older boy who had eaten the toast the morning before came down for his breakfast. The elder stopped and looked down at him, a disgusted expression on his face as he regarded the pitiful mess of a boy in front of him.

"I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die..." Sasuke muttered, gaze still frozen, staring off at something no-one but him could see.

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_**A/N: **I'm really bad at this, but I tried my best. I also tried to make it as long as possible, because I fail at making stories last ._

_Please review, I would love to hear your feedback._

_As always, review = cookie (:_


	2. Part I: 2

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**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

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**Dislaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **There will be abuse in this story. If you are easily affected by things like that, or have just come here to flame my awfulness, please refrain from doing so. I am looking for constructive criticism to better myself, and would appreaciate reviews. The abuse may include NCS, and there may be yaoi in later chapters. If you don't know what yaoi is, either look it up or don't read the chapters that it will be included in. I will warn before them.

* * *

"Get up." The older boy said, walking over to the bread bin again. Sasuke remained immobile, staring sightlessly onward. "You have school. You have to clean up before you go." He walked over to Sasuke and nudged him with his food, careful to avoid the puddle of mixed liquids Sasuke was lying in.

The young boy started with a flinch, backing away from the older, fear in his eyes. The older blinked, then turned back to making his breakfast. "If I were you, I'd hurry up. Don't want to be _late_." The other boy spat.

Sasuke smelt disgusting. He could tell he was lying in something that was mostly cloudy, with flecks of red and dark pink here and there. It smelt awful. Something was dried on his forehead, and it flaked as he furrowed his eyebrows. He sat up and instantly regretted it. He cried out in pain, biting his lip to prevent his cry from becoming a shriek. Something was most definitely wrong with his side. It was on _fire_, something definitely not where it should be. From his past experience, he guessed one of his ribs was broken, and he would have to be careful how it moved. Ideally, he wouldn't move at all, or get it bandaged, but He would not have been happy with Sasuke at all if he did either of those. School was his only option, but he supposed it would probably help him avoid the man that morning.

He regarded the puddle sadly, and then went to fetch the mop. It had spanned a lot of the kitchen floor, and he could tell it would take a while to clean. Not to mention how filthy he was. There was no way he'd be able to go to school without cleaning himself up. People would get suspicious, and then everything would get worse.

* * *

The familiar scent of bleach wafted into his nostrils as he cleaned, side flaring up with every scrub. He could feel his eyes watering as he tried not to cry, and his lip was already bleeding where he'd bitten it again to refrain from screaming.

He washed the blood from the counter that his head had struck, then cleaned off the utensils and replaced them in the cellar, side screaming with every step he took. He felt giddy with pain, and his eyes unfocused every time it burnt.

He walked to the bathroom, opening its cool wooden door. The window was open, and the cold morning air had filled the room. There was a wash basin and a toilet; both immaculately clean, of course; he had cleaned them the night before, and every night for the past year, maybe even _few_ years. He pulled of his top, noting a few bloodstains on it; thankfully none too large. He would hopefully be able to pass wearing that with no suspicion; after all, he could say it was paint with such small patches as that.

Sasuke surveyed his torso in the small mirror. There was a large, swollen purpling bruise covering his right side where He had kicked him, and a less swollen bruise covering most of his stomach. He winced as he gently prodded his side, and shock of agony wracking his thin body. _Yep, _he thought, _definitely broken_.

His forehead had dried blood on the left side. It had a 'splatted' sort of look about it, as if someone had flicked paint on his head. The skin behind it was raised and painful, and a small cut ran through the middle of the swollen patch. _A lot of blood for such a little cut_, he thought.

Removing the rest of his clothes, he filled the sink next to the mirror with water. Sasuke picked up the soap bar and went through the actions of washing his hands under the water, dispelling soap bubbles into the once-clear liquid. When he was sure it was soapy enough, he fetched some toilet roll from nearby, and proceeded to soak it in the mixture he had made. He used the paper to carefully rinse the blood and other liquids from his body, changing the paper he was using when the previous either fell apart or became too dirty.

It took a lot longer than he had hoped to get clean, and he changed the water in the basin quickly. He dunked his shirt in the clean water, grabbed the soap bar and scrubbed at the dirty patches. Hoping the water would prevent his clothes from smelling bad; he repeated the process with his trousers.

Sasuke finished and re-clothed himself, shivering slightly as the soaked clothes clung to him. He had wrung them out as well as he could, and they weren't dripping, but they were still damp and the cold bathroom air was only intensified by them.

* * *

By the time that he finally left the house, he knew that he was far too late to be on time for school. The older boy had left long before him, and he was _normally_ late to school. He walked as fast as he could whilst enduring the agony in his side; prevented from running because of it.

The ground that morning was not iced over, but the grass was frosted, and Sasuke left clear footprints as he cut across the field nearby to his school. The sky was a chilly grey colour, clouds covering the blue today. He marvelled absently at the noise each step made, but hurried onward, aware if he was too late, the school wad call Him to ask where he was, and then it would be The End. He had often said if Sasuke brought people to their house, whether directly or indirectly, he would have an 'accident'. An accident that winded up in him having several broken bones and ending up buried at the foot of Their garden. Sasuke shivered.

* * *

Of course, he had to be unlucky that day. The lesson he arrived in time was none other than physical education. The best time to do exercise; when you have at least two broken ribs. _Perfect, _Sasuke thought.

He immediately asked the teacher, Mr Gai (though he always made his students call him 'Gai-sensei', for some reason; Sasuke assumed it was his Japanese roots showing through, and some of the other teachers asked that they be given honorific's too) whether he could sit the lesson out.

"Why would you need to sit out, youthful Sasuke? Physical Education will only enhance your youth; especially as the springtime of youth is about to blossom!"

Sasuke mentally sighed. It was the middle of winter; however, Gai-sensei always said the 'springtime of youth' was about to begin, even the day after it had ended.

"Sensei, I'm really not feeling well today." Gai looked at him oddly. "I'm not feeling _youthful_." Sasuke enhanced. He supposed this was the longest sentence he had spoken all year. _What a waste_.

"Well then, young Sasuke, I'm sure some challenges will enhance your youthfulness even through your illness! We can only be made stronger!" he practically shouted, beaming.

Sasuke sighed. He knew a lost battle when he saw one. Previous tries of sitting out for PE had always failed. He doubted it would be any different this time.

If he had the guts and the knowledge that he wouldn't have to face Him if he did, he would have walked out of the lesson, and he knew he couldn't tell anyone about his ribs. There was a time when the 'fell down the stairs' excuse become suspicious, even to oblivious idiots.

* * *

He changed slowly, side flaring with agony. It was now all he could concentrate; he could barely hear anyone, even though the changing room was buzzing with noise. He silently thanked whoever had built the room for adding cubicles; without them, his 'secret' would have been found out long ago.

When he was finally done, everyone had already left. He had the Older Boy's hand-me-downs; no-one would buy _him_ new clothes, but thankfully, these had continued to fit him since he was seven.

* * *

Sasuke left the building, shivering in his shorts, trying to keep his movement to a minimum as the bones in his side jarred when he did so. He could see a couple of boys further up the field throwing a rugby ball between them, and he could have cried. _If there is a god,_ he thought, _they must surely hate me_.

The field was large, with a rugby goal at either end, the tall structures towering over the tiny pupils beneath them. The sky had not changed since he had last seen it; however, now, he regarded it as more a _foreboding _grey than a chilly one. Wincing again, he slowly made his way up the grassland to the rest of his class, knowing he was only stalling the inevitable future.

* * *

"Right, youthful students! Today we will be engaging in the sport known as rugby, or American football—" he nodded to one particular student "—in an attempt to further improve ourselves!"

"YES GAI-SENSEI!" one particular student shouted enthusiastically. Sasuke's ears rang with the volume of the shout.

"Split into two teams, about fifteen people aside today, alright, my youthful students?"

_Fifteen a side?! I'm going to die..._ Sasuke thought, terrified.

He could see the ball being passed between people down at the other end of the pitch. He was relieved. The ball hadn't yet been near him for an entire game. He had managed to get by so far by milling around by the goal. The students directly charged with protecting it ignored him, as usual.

He had been thinking, which was why he stood there like a frightened rabbit as the ball flew towards it. He caught it, completely and utterly unsure of what to do, when something very solid slammed into him. His body buckled completely under the force, and his side suddenly felt far _too_ warm. He became aware that he was on the ground; his head feeling like his brain had been removed then clumsily replaced. He was sure he would regain a sense of balance, but it still hadn't come. He side felt surprisingly damp, and he supposed he had landed in a puddle- probably a muddy one, knowing his luck. The person that had rammed into him had taken the ball long ago.

"Sasuke, get up!" someone nearby shouted at him, "We can't all just go to sleep when we feel like it!"

He curled into a sitting position, his chest and hip now in so much agony he felt sure he would pass out. Thankfully, he didn't, and he slowly got to his feet.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" the same boy that had shouted at him asked, looking severely alarmed. Sasuke simply nodded at him, a small, fake smile gracing his features. The other boy was looking at him with shock. "But... your..." the other boy gestured wildly, and then put his hand to his head. Sasuke was confused. Some of the other boys were staring at him too, now, and he had no idea why. Was this some private joke that they were all involved in? Had they all decided it was 'make-Sasuke-as-uncomfortable-as-possible' day?

In his confusion, his side flared up again. He couldn't help it this, time; he looked down as his hand shot to it in his pain. It was then he realised what they were all looking at.

There was a spreading blood patch blossoming on his shirt. He stared at it, surprised before lifting his hand away from it. Blood was now dripping from his fingertips; there was more blood than he thought. He raised his shirt gingerly, needing to see what was wrong. Maybe he could stop the bleeding before everyone noticed.

"Shit—man, I'm so sorry!" someone cried- presumably the person that had barged him. He turned away from them all, and raised his shirt off his side. Sasuke's head began to spin as he was met with the horrific sight beneath.

Part of his rib was literally sticking through his skin. It had punctured straight through the flesh, a large splinter of it poking out through his higher abdomen. His bruise was now far from purple; in fact, most of the skin was now a much more reddish colour, contrasting with the scarlet pouring from the puncture wound against his pale, skinny chest.

The other students were staring at him, horrified. He just stared back at them, completely at loss of what to do or say. _This had never happened before_. He didn't know whether to brush it off, pretend it was nothing; or whether he should scream, or cry... His thoughts raced through his head; _what if he was found out..._ the agony of that would be far worse than that of his wound. The Man would beat him senseless, until he begged for it to end... and then He would end it. He had told Sasuke that, one night as he lay, curled up in his blankets after yet another beating.

* * *

"_If anyone ever comes here, you know what I'll do? I break your bones, one by one, until you're screaming for me to kill you, until you __**welcome**__ what comes after. I'll break your pathetic little body, you little shit. Do you understand that?"_

_The little boy nodded at him, terror coursing through his veins. Of course he understood. The beatings were painful enough already, but he knew that he was very, very scared of whatever was waiting to greet him after; life was already painful enough, why would death be any different? It would surely be worse, he concluded. He didn't want to die._

"_Or maybe..." the Man whispered in his ear, "I'll come and find you in the middle of the night, little one, and shoot you dead right there. I __**would **__do it, you know, little Sasuke." He hissed, "Better stay awake... better be on your guard, or I'll have to re-dig the garden for you, little one... and you know she'd be angry at me having to uproot her flowers."_

* * *

Sasuke felt the blood drain from his face. He was too late. Everyone was looking at him, including Gai-sensei. His arms and legs felt very, very heavy, and his head like it was floating, a loosely tethered helium balloon.

"Everyone back away, give him some space!" Gai-sensei shouted, for once serious, all thoughts of youthfulness gone. Or perhaps not _gone_, just not voiced. Sasuke was finding it hard to breathe; all he could think about was His death threats... _"I'll break your pathetic body, you little shit...she'd be angry at me having to uproot her flowers..." _

Everything was moving, almost spinning as a sound grew louder and louder in his ears. His chest was constricting, he couldn't breathe, he wanted to scream, his head was _hurting_, so much pain, side splitting, burning, death...

Then he fell down, down, deep into the darkness, hiding from the stares, the anger and his death.

All he thought as he fell was the same thing, again, and again.

_This isn't so bad..._

* * *

_A/N: Poor Sasuke... I bash him with abuse a little too much. I'm sorry this chapter is a little short, I had to cliffy it (;_

_And I didn't want to waffle too much and I wasn't sure if I could put anything else in without it seeming odd. So... yeah._

_You get a packet of cookies if you review this. 'Cus I love you guys._

_Over and out._


	3. Part I: 3

* * *

**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

* * *

**Dislaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **Rape, non-con, if offended by this, do not read. You have been warned.

* * *

"Oh my god, is he alright?"

Sound rushed painfully back to his silent world, his ears popping. A nasty anaesthetic smell hit his nostrils violently, making him gag and then cry out as his ribs screamed at the sudden movement. He could hear someone talking as he tried to lean back again, avoiding twisting or moving suddenly.

"How could someone do this to him?!"

"Sir, unfortunately sports are dangerous. I'm sure it wasn't deliberate."

"I want to talk to that boy's parents. This is out of order."

Sasuke's head was hurting. All of his thoughts were feeling jumbled and unnatural, and his side was burning. There was something constricting his movements at his hips; upon closer inspection, he saw that his midriff was heavily bandaged.

Blinking his sleepy eyelids, he looked up at the two people talking nearby. One of them was Him, and the other was a lady he didn't recognise. She was dressed all in white, apart from the cheerfully-coloured apron she was wearing. He watched them talking for a few minutes before the lady finally noticed he was awake.

"Oh, hello, sweetie, are you feeling alright?"

Sasuke looked at Him nervously. The man nodded almost imperceptibly.

"...fine..." he said, quietly. The lady seemed appeased.

"Do you know where you are?" Sasuke shook his head. "Can you remember your name?"

"...Sasuke."

"Well then, Sasuke, you're in hospital; you took quite a nasty hit, can you remember what happened?"

For a moment, Sasuke considered telling her the truth, but the rebellious streak was quickly purged from his system upon glancing at the dangerous look in His eyes.

"I... was playing rugby, I got caught off guard...and this boy ran into me, I guess it was pretty hard...it hurt. I can't really remember any more..." The nurse nodded.

"We'll send you in some painkillers – your ribs are broken pretty badly. You have a pretty low iron level – have you been eating properly?"

Sasuke twitched slightly, and then tried to mimic what he'd seen another boy doing when he was embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck with his left hand.

"It's just been kind of stressful lately-" He looked at Sasuke dangerously for a moment "-and I just sort of forgot to eat the right things, I wasn't really hungry all the time." Sasuke privately hoped she would buy it; it didn't sound very plausible, even to him. She nodded, looking at him carefully. She turned to Him suddenly.

"Have you noticed him eating more or less than usual?"

"...I haven't noticed anything, I wasn't even aware he was stressed..."

"Can I talk to you outside for a moment? Sorry, Sasuke." With that, the two of them turned and left the room, closing the door after them. Sasuke sighed and laid his head back onto the copious amount of pillows he had. The ceiling was boring and plain, as per usual with most ceilings. He wished he could tell the nurse; he wished he could escape.

He could faintly hear the two of them talking; words like 'watch' and 'eating disorder' being thrown around. Quite frankly, he didn't blame them for thinking that. He knew he was disgustingly thin; but he wasn't going to risk sneaking food again, not after being caught last time. He sighed again and pressed his fingers against his bony elbow, his arms aching slightly. It had been a while since he had last eaten. His muscles were starting to deplete again; last time this had happened, he had ended up collapsing – thankfully when no-one had been around.

He took his time to survey the room he had awoken in. There were a few board games stacked on a shelf in the corner, their boxes worn and falling apart from use; there was a small shelf beneath that with some children's storybooks upon it; he was lying in a metal bed with crisp, thin sheets and there were confusing pieces of medical equipment next to his bed. Everything was clean; just the way everyone liked it.

The door opened; He was coming back. The calm expression vanished from His face and was replaced by a look of malevolent anger. He stalked closer to Sasuke, and barely an inch from his face started hissing at him angrily.

"You'd better keep your _fucking_ mouth shut, you little shit, or I'll make sure to fucking shut it permanently. If they come and give me hassle for _anything_...I'll make you wish you'd never been fucking _born_, just like the rest of us."

Sasuke flinched; spit hitting his face as He whispered. He felt the usual chill run through him, then the emotion left him again, back to his empty self.

"Yes, sir."

It made Sasuke sad how fake He was when His life might be altered if He wasn't; He was never calm, concerned or caring toward Sasuke any other time, and it was almost worth it to see Him act as though he cared. Even if it was just for a little while, it still meant a lot to Sasuke. At least he could _pretend_ that He loved him.

There came a knock from the door. A slender, pale hand opened it and a young woman walked in.

"Hello, Sasuke? Is it alright if I have a word?" He nodded blankly. "I'm Sakura; I work for the Child Protection Agency here at the hospital. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

Sasuke simply stared at her. What was he supposed to say? If he told her, he might have a chance at escape from this nightmare. But if he told her, He would _kill_ him. There was no question of that. He would join the remains of the dinosaurs beneath the earth, rotting under the roots of Her beloved flowers. He felt comforted in the fact that he knew he would not just end up in a lake somewhere; They couldn't risk being found out if his body was discovered. At least he could pretend They cared enough to give him a decent burial. At least he still had that.

Brought out of his reverie, he looked her straight in the eyes and smiled.

"No, ma'am; there's nothing I need to tell you."

She gave him a concerned look and he felt the mask suddenly slip, surprised. In a flash, his guard was up again, the smile plastered back on his face as if it was completely natural. In reality, his cheeks were hurting from holding the smile there; he never smiled. In fact, he couldn't remember a time when he had ever smiled; at least, not genuinely.

"If you ever need help, Sasuke," she said softly, her voice filled with and emotion he didn't recognise, "you can always call us, or another child protection organisation. You can tell us if there's something wrong."

"There's nothing wrong." He said, carefully, trying to make sure he didn't cut in too fast. One thing he had learnt; saying something too fast always arouses suspicion. He had experienced it before. He had been out cold for three days the last time someone came round to investigate, but he regarded it as a miracle that he hadn't simply been killed. Or perhaps not.

She sighed, and looked away almost sadly.

"Okay, Sasuke, if you say so, but remember, I and my team are always here for you if you need us." On that note, she turned and left him all alone in the room. He wanted to cry. This person had been trying to help him. It could have been his ticket away; and he had missed the opportunity. He was even more of a fool than he had thought before.

A tear dropped onto the blankets; he wiped it away furiously. _Real boys don't cry,_ he thought furiously. _Real boys don't cry._

He was back again. He had barely even heard the door open before he noticed Him standing there, next to his bed.

"What did you say to her?!" He hissed angrily. Sasuke just shook his head at Him, wide-eyed. "What the fuck's wrong with your face?! Have you been crying again?! You little fucking pussy!"

As He continued to hiss at him, Sasuke tuned it out, trying to pretend He was telling him that He loved him, and that he was sorry He'd hurt him. He wasn't telling him how pathetic he was; He was saying He was His always a good boy, a beautiful child. Of course His hand wasn't nearly breaking Sasuke's wrist; it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He would never do that to him.

Sasuke was only vaguely aware of being pulled to his feet and following Him out of the room; He signed forms at the nurse's desk, and they walked free from the building. He didn't call him a little shit; He said he loved him, of course. He was always praising Sasuke. He sat in the car as they drove away, feeling oddly dazed as the countryside passed him by.

* * *

Their house arrived soon enough, and Sasuke jumped from the car, barely there as something told him in his head that if he didn't, something was going to hurt him. Pain registered from his ear as He dragged Sasuke into the house, yelling obscenities as they entered.

"You're trying to fucking expose me, aren't you, you little fuck!"

Sasuke shook his head, no, as he backed away. His little dream world had dissipated as he noticed the very real, very solid threat before him. His heels hit the wall as he tried to evade the Man who was slowly closing in on his escape routes. Pain engulfed his left cheek as he was backhanded across the face, and he whimpered slightly. There were footsteps on the stairs, and He looked up. The Older Boy was there; just watching, face devoid of emotion.

"...Itachi." He said. The Boy just looked down at them both.

"What are you doing?" the Boy deadpanned, staring down at them both.

"Sasuke misbehaved." He replied. The other Boy looked at Sasuke, almost calculating as he stared. An odd expression slid onto his blank face as their eyes met.

"I'm sure he won't do it again, father."

He looked down at Sasuke over the end of His nose, glaring.

"Let's hope you can make him understand how important it is that he doesn't." The Man spat, turning on his heel and striding off. As he left, he gave the Older Boy a meaningful glare, which Sasuke noticed, feeling confused. _Itachi_ had just stopped Him from punishing him. He hesitated, then bowed.

"Thank you." He practically whispered, turning to leave. He heard the Other Boy following him as he walked through the house to his room. Itachi suddenly spoke.

"Come with me." Sasuke stopped walking. Why was he being invited to walk with Itachi? "Don't be afraid." Itachi said, sensing his hesitation. Sasuke cautiously followed him through the now-silent house. Sasuke remained bewildered, nervousness growing as they walked up the stairs. Sasuke wasn't normally _allowed _upstairs, let alone _invited_ up there; the only times he had actually been up there had been to clean. He shivered involuntarily. There was an odd emotion filling the air between him and the Other Boy as they travelled.

Itachi opened a door, and motioned for Sasuke to follow him.

"This is my room." He said, "I assume you've been in here before? Cleaning." There it was again. That odd expression. Sasuke ignored his primal instinct to leave, run, get away, and nodded. Itachi smiled. He muttered something that sounded like 'thought so', then pulled Sasuke further inside the room. Sasuke cringed at the touch, but allowed himself to be dragged forward.

"Sit." Itachi deadpanned. Sasuke obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed that Itachi had indicated with his hand pointed in the vague direction. The Other Boy looked at him for a moment, that same assessing looking on his face; then he walked towards Sasuke. He pushed his unease to the back of his mind as he looked up at the Boy approaching him. He could hear his low breathing as he got ever closer. Sasuke was surprised when he didn't stop at a normal distance; instead, Itachi was still moving towards him. Itachi's hands grasped the side of his face, and Sasuke stayed still, confused. Sasuke felt something brush softly against his lips, and stared into Itachi's eyes as He drew back. Itachi was kissing him again, soft lips moving against his own still ones; the Other Boy's tongue brushing his upper lip. Sasuke pulled back, confusion overtaking him.

"Um... what are you doing?" he said timidly. He didn't want to be hit again. Sasuke felt hands grip the side of his head again, pulling him back forward. He stared innocently into Itachi's eyes, feeling worried now. The Other Boy was trying to kiss him again, and he struggled slightly, not liking the sensation. He had never been kissed before, but he knew that there was something wrong with Itachi kissing him. His actions seemed to irritate the Older Boy, who crushed his lips upon Sasuke's own, no longer soft or caring. Sasuke let out a small 'mmph' of surprise, and felt a tongue on his lips again. Alarmed, he tried to pull away again, but a hand moved to the back of his head, forcing him to stay. The tongue was trying to invade his mouth again, and he struggled slightly more. He gasped in pain as Itachi pinched his neck with his now-free hand, opening his mouth slightly. The Other Boy took this opportunity to force his tongue into the younger boy's mouth, running it over the inside of Sasuke's jaw.

Itachi pulled back, breathing more heavily now. He smirked at Sasuke, who simply stared at him, still confused and now feeling slightly upset. The Other Boy was moving towards him again; this time, he pushed Sasuke back, sitting on top of his midriff. He crushed his body against Sasuke's, this time painfully. The younger gasped as lips pressed violently against his own, an uncomfortable sensation spreading through his body. His head started to hurt, and he felt odd. There was something hard pressing into his midriff as Itachi mercilessly attacked his mouth, time after time forcing his moist tongue inside his mouth.

Itachi pulled away, still straddling Sasuke's hips, looking down at the younger. He blinked, then spoke.

"Kneel down on the floor." Itachi commanded, removing himself from Sasuke's waistline. Sasuke obeyed, looking up at the Older Boy, his face slightly flushed. He simply stared as the Boy unbuttoned his trousers, pulled them down from his waist. Itachi pulled his underwear down to his ankles, and Sasuke felt fear again; he could see the large, pulsating organ before him, and felt worried and slightly scared.

"I want you to do something for me, Sasuke." Itachi deadpanned.

Sasuke met his eyes, panic on his face.

"I want you to suck it." Sasuke shook his head; there was no way that _thing _was going anywhere near his mouth. He stood, or rather tried to; Itachi had grabbed onto his shoulders and forcing him back down.

"There's no room for negotiation, little Sasuke. Get to work."

Sasuke was truly panicking now, pulling backwards against Itachi's iron grip. The Older Boy sighed, and moved his hands to Sasuke's head.

"Open your mouth."

Sasuke ignored him. Itachi slapped him, the crack echoing throughout the large bedroom.

"Open it."

Tears filled Sasuke's eyes as he obeyed, closing them as he did so.

"Good boy." Itachi said, and he felt something very large and foreign enter his mouth. He gagged as it hit the back of his throat, and whimpered.

"_Suck_." He commanded again, and the younger boy squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he tried to obey. The _thing_ kept hitting his gag reflex, and Sasuke was trying desperately not to vomit. Itachi tasted _awful_.

Sasuke tried to ignore the lusty moans coming from the boy above him as he tried to picture himself somewhere else; anywhere but there. The Older Boy was bucking his hips into Sasuke's mouth, hands still gripping Sasuke's head as he moved.

"I swear, Sasuke--" Itachi hissed between thrusts "--if you bite, this'll seem like a _dream_ compared to the consequences of _that_." Sasuke whimpered in terror, blood running colder.

The younger boy couldn't breathe as Itachi thrust into his mouth again, and again. Tears were streaming down his face as he weakly tried to continue sucking, filled with sheer terror.

"Ahh-ah, Sasuke..." Itachi hissed, throwing his head back as something spurted from the hard organ in Sasuke's mouth.

"Swallow...it..." the Older Boy panted, looking through slightly narrowed eyes at him. Sasuke whimpered; the liquid tasted awful, and he couldn't breathe as he desperately tried to swallow it all, Itachi's member still in his mouth. He tried not to retch as he forced the salty liquid down into his stomach, tears stinging his lips as he blubbered silently.

"...good boy..." the Older breathed, slowly withdrawing himself from Sasuke's mouth. The younger boy looked up at him, terror in his eyes.

"Don't look like that, little Sasuke; it's enough to make anybody want to violate you." He smirked, and pulled Sasuke onto the bed, gripping his too-small trousers as he did so. Sasuke lay there, limply, accustomed to his fate. There was no way for him to get out of the situation. Even if he somehow managed to get out of the room, there was nowhere to run to. _He_ certainly wouldn't help him, and he doubted She would either. This realisation made Sasuke feel completely helpless, and tears continued to stream silently from his eyes.

Itachi was grinding his hips against Sasuke's, and the younger boy could feel a strange sensation spreading through him. His pants began to feel uncomfortably tight as Itachi ground harder, smirking as he did so.

"Somebody wants something, little one."

Sasuke desperately shook his head, not quite sure what 'something' was, but guessing – after the previous events – that he wouldn't want it.

"Don't lie, you little whore; you wouldn't be hard if you didn't."

Sasuke looked down at his crotch; his body betrayed him, erection screaming for more friction as his mind begged Itachi to stop. Itachi tugged the younger boy's top off over his head, chuckling softly.

"N-no..." Sasuke pleaded as Itachi unlatched his trousers and began to remove them. He knew Itachi was done when he felt warm breath hitting his length, and odd feeling coursing through him.

"Naughty little boy." Itachi tutted, smirking sadistically.

"Itachi...please..." Sasuke began to sob. Itachi glared. "I mean...sorry....please..."

He felt something moist envelop him, a tongue flickering over the tip of his length, and he involuntarily moaned, biting his lip as the sound escaped him. Itachi laughed, and Sasuke gripped the bed beneath him tightly as the noise sent vibrations through his crotch, the feeling otherworldly. He began to whimper; _he didn't want this_.

Heat began to gather at the base of his stomach, his face flushed as Itachi sucked harder; he began to lift his hips into the sensation, body betraying him again. Suddenly, the warmth enveloping him was gone; Itachi had removed his mouth.

"Well, little one, since you enjoyed that so much, I've got a little present for you." The Older Boy smirked and flipped Sasuke over onto his stomach. Sasuke tensed, confused, foreboding hitting him again.

Itachi was hovering around his rear end; _looking_, Sasuke supposed, feeling slightly sick. He felt a hand grasp his behind and he let out a small cry. Itachi was staring at him again, grinning.

He felt something enter him from behind and he cried out in agony.

"Itach—what –"

Something else entered him and he screamed. The two objects began to scissor inside of him, and he moaned in pain, sweat beading on his forehead. Suddenly, the objects were removed, and a hand was in front of his face.

"Spit." Itachi commanded him. The younger obeyed, and Itachi drew his hand back, doing something Sasuke couldn't see behind him.

"Now, little one; I'm not going to lie to you; this is going to hurt. A lot." Itachi murmured, lifting Sasuke up slightly by the stomach.

Sasuke barely had enough time to cry 'whaa—' before something entered him, ripping him apart from the rear. He screamed in agony as his flesh tore as Itachi entered him, giving no inclination that he cared about the pain the boy beneath him was feeling. Sasuke felt the thing inside him draw back slightly the crush into him once more, more forcefully that the first time. He was still screaming as Itachi pounded into him mercilessly, time after time. His lip was bleeding where he had bitten nearly through it in his agony.

"Oh...god...Sasuke..." Itachi panted above him, "...you're so..._tight_..."

Sasuke whimpered in disgust and pain as the Older Boy continued to move, then saw stars as Itachi hit something inside of him. Pain turned to pleasure and he moaned out, like a cheap whore, trying to prevent the sound escaping. He heard a chuckle from behind him, and the feeling tore through him again; this time, he saw white, the feeling burning through his system. He began to buck his hips back into Itachi's, begging for the sensation that overcame the pain. Heat was gathering in his crotch again, and he began moaning into every thrust the Older Boy made. They were both panting heavily, crushing their hips together painfully.

"Itac—ahhh—I'm---" Sasuke whimpered out as his vision became covered in black spots. Something spurted from his length both uncomfortably and pleasurable, and he felt his rear and constrict, something warm and wet shooting inside of him. Itachi collapsed on top of him, crushing Sasuke's stomach into the liquid he had produced. The sensations over, Sasuke began to cry harder, something trickling from his rear end. Itachi pulled out slowly, still breathing heavily as he grabbed Sasuke's clothes from the floor. He thrust them into Sasuke's hands, and breathed;

"Get out..."

Sasuke looked at him, confused and hurt as he scrambled to his feet, rear end feeling as if it was splitting in two. He darted from the room as Itachi raised his fist, dashing through the house as fast as he could manage, completely naked. He passed the room He was in, slowing to a limp as the pain from his ass became nearly unbearable. He heard the Man laugh nastily as he passed, tears running more freely from his eyes.

"Pathetic little shit." He said, looking back down to his newspaper in his hands. Sasuke limped off towards his room, skin feeling thick with dirt.

"Bet you enjoyed it, you little whore!" the Man cried after him. Sasuke collapsed in a heap on the cold floor of his room, scratching at his hips as he lay there.

He was covered in dirt, he was sure of it—it coated his hips, his arms, his legs—his entire body. He broke down into sobs, forehead pressing into the floor. A noise from the doorway made him look up.

"Little whore." The Man said, turning away with disgust.

Sasuke just lay there and sobbed, feeling his entire world shatter, as he began to live life without his innocence.

* * *

_A/N: First time ever writing NCS, first time ever tried a proper attempt at lemon...how was it? *prepares for flames*_

_Reviews, please, you all make my day, and all contribute to improving my writing =^__^=_

_As always, I HAVE COOKIES =D_

_

* * *

_

**EDITED 1ST MAY 2009**


	4. Part I: 4

* * *

**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

* * *

**Dislaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **General weirdness, and panic.

* * *

_Everything was dark._

_He could see the outlines of people, but they were blurred around the edges, as if they were not really there. They were shadowed, and almost invisible; he was the only solid thing there, and he couldn't feel anything._

_The grass on the ground was dead and lifeless, withering away before his eyes. The sky was darkening, light vanishing as suddenly as it had appeared, and not gracing him with vision._

_He could still see them all, standing there, still only faintly there._

_He could also sense them watching him._

_They were watching him, he knew, because he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickling; a sure sign, in his books._

_They watched; but did not move._

_He could feel something clawing at his ankles, and he cried out to the shadows, yelling at them to help him, please, save him._

_He looked down to see the darkness of the ground reaching up to claim his legs, dragging him towards the ground, shadow seeping into his skin and dissolving his very essence. The feeling of __**un-being**__ crept over his body as the life began to vanish from his presence._

"_Help me...please..." the boy choked to his silent watchers, pleading for their acknowledgement. "I'm going to die here..."_

_Tears marred the boy's beautiful features, and the darkness reached his torso. He screamed and began to plead more frantically, sobbing hysterically to the people that just stood there, unmoving, uncaring._

_It covered his eyes and he could not see; his ears, and the sound was blocked from the already silent world. He knew they were still watching him; he could feel it in his bones, this time as he began to disintegrate._

_There was a great pain building in his chest, as something began to wrap around him._

_He could only assume it was the shadow; and the greatest terror built in his heart, and he became truly alone._

_Everyone was gone._

_Nobody watched over him._

_And no one was going to save him._

* * *

He trembled, his nails digging sharply into his bare arms.

His legs were coated in blood and another slightly sticky substance that he didn't want to know what was. He stared at the wall, knees drawn up to his chest as he shook, mind completely blank.

He could hear movement above him, and his shaking increased, fear spreading through his body like wildfire. Sasuke began to rock slowly, clutching his knees to himself tighter. He _hurt_. All over; not just in his body, but somewhere _beyond._

He had no idea what had happened. He couldn't feel any emotion towards the event; it felt surreal, as if it had not really occurred. One of his nails pierced the flesh in his upper arm; he barely noticed the pain. Everything was blank, uneasy. Something was missing.

Minutes passed before he finally realised he _could_ feel something;

He felt dirty.

Tainted.

_Itachi._

_How could you?!_

His mind screamed at him, sobbing for him to move, clean himself, get rid of everything that was so perfectly _Him_ from his presence, get rid of the lies, the disgustingness that overwhelmed him.

_Why?_

Perhaps this happened to everyone.

He reasoned with his terrified mind, not wanting to believe himself.

_Perhaps,_ his mind nagged, _this is how everyone came to __**be**__._

No.

Never.

Dirt.

All over him.

He felt dirty.

Like there were germs and filth all over every pore of his body, contaminating and claiming him, his tiny chest shaking as he tried to breathe evenly. The footsteps above him began to get louder, and subconsciously, his shaking increased. The pressure in his head was building up steadily, feeling as though someone had their hands pressed firmly against his temples.

Then the steps stopped.

He began clawing at his arms, trying to rid them of the scum that covered him, making him unclean and disgusting. His arms started to sting, but he ignored the pain; _the filth wasn't gone yet_, _not clean, not free..._

He couldn't stop, not even when his arms began to bleed, the skin catching under his fingernails as they slowly stained with his own blood as he scratched. The steps were getting closer and closer, and he was finding it harder and harder to breathe.

_Shit._

His chest constricted, and breath hitched in his throat. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, hear the blood rushing in his ears as his lungs began to burn. He could hear the constant drumming of the footsteps, in perfect synchronisation with his rushing heartbeat, a _symphony of terror_ as his mind clouded, pressure building ever greater in his head.

A figure was standing at the top of the stairs, staring down at him. He heard them begin to descend as his vision began to blur.

_I'm going to die._

Black spots were covering his vision, his heart drumming, drumming, faster and faster as his head spun, the _room_ spun, the figure in front of him twisted and stretched and he fell.

Pain.

In his head. A _cracking_ sound as something hit the floor, a faint yell from somewhere far away, then

Nothing.

_The boy collapsed, the last of his being draining away as the darkness claimed his soul, dissipating into the unforgiving night. _

* * *

_A/N: Shorter, but it needed to be so._

_This marks the end of the first section; I will of course, still be writing this and adding on here, but this marks the end of this part._

_Part two will start soon, and we will still be with dearest Sasuke._

_Please review and tell me what you think, and I'm sorry again for the shortness; this part of the story had to end here._

_Cookies again for reviews._

_Thank you for my regular reviewers~_

* * *

**-END OF PART ONE-**

* * *


	5. Part II: 1

* * *

**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

* * *

**PART II**

**Dislaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **Panic, vague memories of abuse.

* * *

_Green eyes._

_There were green eyes staring down at him._

_He could still see the shadows, but she was standing there. Staring at him with those emerald orbs of hers._

_They looked sad._

_Turned down at the corners. Staring at him. He couldn't recognise the emotion._

_He could hear something, from very far away._

_A quiet voice; it sounded like it was travelling through water._

"_It's okay, little one."_

_It's okay, Sasuke._

* * *

"Sasuke; it's time for your medication. You ready, sweetie?"

Dark eyes met pale green ones. The darker were blank and dull, whereas the green shone brightly with life. The obsidian orbs blinked.

"..Where am I?"

The female tutted.

"The same place you always are, silly. Ward Five, Summer Lodge hospital. Remember, honey?"

He stared at her blankly.

"..Who..?"

"Your name is Sasuke Uchiha; you were born on the 16th of July, 1993. We're just here to help, Sasuke-kun."

It sounded rehearsed, yet the words meant nothing to him. His mood remained as blank as the lightly padded wall behind him.

"My name is Sakura Haruno; and I have been your nurse here for the past three months."

He shook his head slowly.

_She's lying._

The lady sighed. She ran a slender hand through her faded pink hair, stress evident on her face.

"You can't remember this?"

The boy gave no indication that he could.

The woman's brow furrowed as she gazed at him, calculating. Her face was oddly familiar to Sasuke, yet he couldn't quite place where he'd seen it before. As he watched, she walked to the cupboard at the end of the low bed he was seated on, opened it and removed some white articles of clothing. His expression mimicked hers suddenly.

"..You were in my dream." He stated blankly. Her gaze snapped up to meet his, and she appeared to devour his expression with her eyes. A slow smile broke out onto her features, distorting the frustrated look into a peaceful, happier one.

"Tsunade will be pleased..." she murmured to herself quietly.

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha always looked peaceful when he was taken outside. All of the nurses had observed it; he had always seemed freer and more at ease when he sat on the soft lawns. He was more willing to answer their questions, and didn't seem to worry about much.

The blonde nurse sat beside him, watching his calm face as he observed the world around him.

"Does it bother you?" she spoke softly, "to not be able to remember?"

He blinked and continued to watch the birds circling above him. It was a nice day, and there were few clouds in the sky. The warmth wasn't overpowering, but felt comforting on the skin of those sitting outside.

When he finally spoke, the nurse had to strain her ears to hear him.

"It doesn't bother me, because I can't say I know any different." He murmured, staring off into the depths of the sky. A small smile came onto his face as he daydreamed to himself, seemingly oblivious of the events around him.

"You've made progress." The lady said, continuing the tradition of speaking quietly towards him, "You could remember your nurse, even if only slightly and through a dream. That's a lot better than before."

He turned to look at her, the small smile vanishing from his expression.

"If I'm not going to remember this tomorrow, what does it matter?"

There was hurt in the boy's expression, and Tsunade sighed. She didn't know what to do. It had taken months for any improvement at all, and even then, all he felt was that he _recognised_ someone; his recovery, she knew was going to be long, and not without pain.

His gaze was guarded as he viewed the world, now, the open look gone. The woman sighed, knowing she had to go on, knowing she was probably going to ruin the little peace he had found in his memory-less oblivion.

"We think," she started slowly, "that you may be repressing your memories." He glared at her angrily, and opened his mouth to retort, but she interrupted him by continuing. "We believe, that you may be keeping back traumatic memories, and that they might be why you forget everything."

Sasuke cocked his head.

"How am I supposed to know that you're not lying to me?"

"Look back." She replied, "What's the last thing you can remember?"

He furrowed his brow, apparently thinking hard. Finally, he looked away, resuming his staring into the blue.

"I remember..." he paused, licking his dry lips. "Some people, sitting, eating, I think." His brow furrowed further as he desperately strained to remember. "There was a boy there, and his...someone was shouting at him."

He appeared confused as his expression smoothed out a little.

"The man said he'd been bad, I think. He'd been a very naughty little boy."

Tsunade appeared appeased, and she genuinely smiled at the teenage boy before her.

"You're doing great, Sasuke. You can stop if you'd like; this is the first time you've actually been able to remember anything." She appeared almost saddened by this. He shook his head at her, absently.

"He...he said, he hated the little boy, and that he...didn't deserve to..." Sasuke stopped and looked at the ground, his gaze vacant. Something changed in the boy's eyes and they widened slightly in alarm. His hand flew to his head and his breathing rate increased.

_If anyone ever comes here, you know what I'll do? I break your bones, one by one, until you're screaming for me to kill you, until you __**welcome**__ what comes after. I'll break your pathetic little body, you little shit. Do you understand that?_

Sasuke couldn't breathe right. He could feel pressure building in his head and he let out a small cry, his other hand leaping up to clutch at the other side of his head.

"_No..."_ he moaned, face screwed up in apparent agony, "_I've been a very bad boy..._"

Tsunade was on her feet staring down at the panicking boy before her. Her brain began to work again and she sprinted towards the hospital doors, yelling for assistance as she re-entered the building. People were running to her, asking what was wrong, what she needed, how they could help...

Sasuke just sat there, rocking slightly as his head felt like it was splitting. He could feel someone hitting him, in the ribs, on his back, his head hitting something...

Tears were streaming down his face and he began to whimper, still swaying.

"_I don't want to die, please...I don't want to die..._"

He could hear light footfalls, very far away, of someone sprinting towards him, the _other_ him that was sat there, sobbing on the grass. He could see them trying to calm him, patting one of his arms, someone else trying to soothe him by rubbing his back, and there was nothing he could do.

He turned, and cried out in terror. There was a man standing behind him, _The Man_ standing behind him, glaring down at him with an expression of pure fury.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" He screamed down at Sasuke, and the little boy cried out in terror, trying to escape from the huge hands that were reaching down towards him.

He felt hands gripping his arms and he screamed, thrashing about, trying to escape from The Man that was pinning him down to kill him.

"Please!" he screamed, "_Please_! Please don't kill me, I'll be good, I swear, please, oh please oh please..." he broke off into sobs, still writhing as he was pinned down, about to meet his maker.

Something sharp pierced him in the elbow, and he could feel something cold spreading through the terror throughout his system. His movements slowed and he felt his limbs grow heavy as he struggled to escape, still, even as the grips on his arms began to loosen.

"Is he going to be alright?" he could hear a woman's voice, far above him saying.

"He'll be fine, ma'am..."

* * *

The next thing he knew, he was in a white room with a splitting headache. He groaned groggily, rapidly blinking his heavy eyelids in an attempt to wake up. His vision was slightly blurred, almost switching into double vision.

"..wake now?" Sound popped suddenly back into his previously-silent world, and he almost groaned out loud as it attacked his ears. He looked around for the speaker, gaze finally halting on the pink-haired young woman perched on a white chair in the corner.

"I said, are you awake now?" He scowled grumpily.

"Obviously."

She smirked, apparently amused by his response. This only worsened his mood and he glowered at her darkly.

"Do you know who I am?" the woman asked him carefully.

"Well, considering you reminded me this morning, of course." He mumbled irately, still glaring at her. She suddenly let out a small shriek and ran at him, only halting as he scurried back from her into the wall behind him. "..sorry..." she said, "It's just...that was _yesterday_, Sasuke!"

He had absolutely no idea what she was so pleased about, and so intensified his glare upon her.

"This matters why?" he growled. She clapped her hands with glee and smiled at him, obviously delighted.

"You didn't forget me!" she cried, and he rolled his eyes.

"Well, I know why I wanted to..." he muttered, so quietly that she appeared not to have heard him. She was dancing about the room, apparently oblivious to the fact that he was watching her scornfully, wondering if she knew how much she was embarrassing herself.

The door opened and the blonde nurse from the day before entered. She took one look at Sakura, and raised an eyebrow at Sasuke, who simply shrugged. Sakura noticed her and grinned.

"He remembers me, Tsunade-san!" she grinned, her face a picture of utter happiness.

"...Very nice, now can I have a moment alone with Sasuke?" Sakura nodded, and with a last grin at Sasuke exited the white room.

The silence hung thick in the air after Sakura's departure. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can you remember all of the events from yesterday?" she was giving him that calculating look again. He assumed that she always wore it.

"I remember waking up, Sakura introducing herself, telling me who I was, eating breakfast, then going outside for a 'talk' with you. After that it's a bit..." he looked off to the side for a moment, "..hazy." Tsunade nodded.

"Good." She said, "Your condition is improving. Of course, we can't say if you'll remember anything tomorrow, but all that we can do is hope. We've been trying to help you for a long time, Sasuke; it's good that you're finally showing progress, even if it doesn't seem like much to you." He nodded at her.

"What happened...at the end?"

"We had to sedate you. You started screaming, and begging us not to kill you and thrashing around. I don't know whether you knew we were there or not; you looked pretty far away. You've been out almost a day."

He nodded to himself. _The sedative probably explains why everything feels hazy_, he thought absently.

"We had to give you your medication intravenously; you weren't conscious, and this medication may be the reason that you are improving. I hope you don't mind." The blonde nurse said, looking at him, the calculating look plastered back onto her face. He shook his head. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to take another trip outside with you; hopefully, in time, we may be able to bring back more of your memory. Would you like that?"

Would he? Would he like to clear the haze that covered his mind? What if his memories were horrible? What if there was nothing to look forward to?

All he knew, was that he would rather _know_, than be constantly in the dark. He knew nothing of his past; nothing of his family, nothing of himself, nothing of anyone, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know what was wrong, he wanted to know who he was, he wanted to remember.

He looked up to meet Tsunade's gaze, and greeted his unknown future with opened arms.

"Yes." He said, simply.

_Yes._

* * *

_A/N: Well, incase you hadn't guessed, little Sasuke has had a severe memory loss ):_

_Poor duckie ):_

_I hope this isn't going to fast, this chapter was hard enough to write as it is...but I had to update, the end of Part I was far too short and I had to make up for it..._

_The Man is NOT a hippy! ___

_xD_

_Anyway, thanks again to reviewers, you guys still make my day (:_

_Cookies for reviews, as always, have a nice day =^__^=_

_(If it seems a little OOC, even for this story, remember Sasuke has had an enormous memory loss, can't remember anything)_


	6. Part II: 2

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**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

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**Dislaimer:** I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings:** Nothing to note. O:

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_They're trying to control you._

Sasuke opened his unwilling eyes, viewing the white room with the sight of a newborn. Everything was silent; eerily so. Yet unnaturally, perhaps, he found solace in the quiet; he admired the rare moment, feeling strangely at ease. Everything was so noisy all the time; nobody seemed to appreciate just how beautiful no sound was. He concentrated on the now-loud sound of his own breathing, its steady rhythm entrancing him.

He had no idea how long he stayed laying there, his mind completely empty, relaxing in the silence. The realization of just how blank his memories really were curiously bothered him; he supposed that it shouldn't, considering to him, they had never _been_, but the lack of things to look back on was really affecting him. He knew he had had a past; his empty head acknowledged that there was something missing, he just didn't know _what_.

The block in his head made him uneasy, yet settled him at the same time. The barrier felt almost tangiable; almost like he was leaning against it, struggling to push it away; but his arms were weak, and his head was so tired. From what he had heard from Tsunade the day before, his mind was blocking possibly painful memories; surely that was a good thing? He guessed so.

If that was his way, that was his _life_, he would welcome it with open arms.

After all, there was nothing else he could do.

* * *

Tsunade wearily pressed the heels of her palms into her tired eyes; she knew it was late, and she should sleep, but she needed to finish her paperwork. The combined writing needed about her patients, and the breakthrough with Sasuke had taken her well into the early hours of the morning, and her eyelids were starting to droop, her body begging to give up to the peace of sleep.

The hospital was very quiet that morning, she noticed; there had been no disturbances, and that was odd in itself; perhaps it was an omen.

And yet, she still had not finished the paperwork; Sasuke's personal data leapt out at her from the computer screen, the letters that other doctors before her had typed, trying to unlock the secrets that the boy held inside his head; all failing, of course. She felt slightly smug at the realisation that her and her team were the first people to have seen this side of Sasuke in a long time; every other day he had been with them, and before, she could only assume, he had been either almost completely unresponsive, or apparently, on one occasion, extremely panicked, apparently re-living some event, assumedly from his past. Upon the rare occasion that he had been panicked and paranoid, he was inconsolable and terrified of them all; denying the doctors at that time the chance of being able to understand what was wrong. They had initially thought it an improvement; only to realise the next day that he had reverted to his normal emotionless stupor. Of course, there was always the chance that he would do the same again; she sincerely hoped not. After all, he had appeared _normal_ the previous day; certainly something that _she_ had never seen, and apparently, neither had the doctors before her. The document before her was basically the same repeated statement;

'_Amnesia. Unresponsive to emotional stimuli, cannot hold attention for long, when unresponsive does not seem to acknowledge the presence of anyone. Unable to care for himself. To remain in medical care with constant supervision and checkups in case of improvement.'_

It was slightly saddening, the way he had been before; it was rare, and she had only seen it a few times in her years of work. She hoped for his sake that he really _was_ improving.

The one paragraph of text that was any different was highlighted in red to make it stand out. It held details of Sasuke's apparent breakdown; details of how he apparently seemed to be living in the past, unaware of how he had gotten where he was, screaming and crying. She shivered. The event from the day before had been unnerving; she wondered what the previous outburst had been like in the flesh.

Even after years of treated emotionally traumatised patients, she still never failed to be shocked at just how different these patients were from the accepted social (and personal) norm.

It saddened her, but also made her more determined to try as hard as she possibly could to help them;

For both hers, and their sakes.

* * *

The ceiling remained as unyielding as it had before. It was simply _refusing_ to destroy the barricades in his mind. Sasuke glared at it; how dare it. Selfish ceiling.

Becoming apparently bored with his activity, he turned onto his side and instead fixed his gaze upon the door. After staring at its slightly-peeling white paint job, he absent-mindedly wondered whether or not it was locked.

Upon closer inspection, or rather, getting up and going to see, he discovered to his irritation, that it was indeed locked. He dejectedly slammed his fist against the wood, grumpily.

He was _bored_.

He peered out through the glass again, surveying the little amount of the hall he could actually see. _Nothing_. He sighed and pressed his face against the glass, trying in vain to see down the corridor. After a few moments of furiously trying to meld his cheek into the glass, he gave up and recoiled slightly from the window. He glanced at the door across from him, and sprung back in surprise.

There was a boy in the room opposite, staring blankly out of his room at Sasuke. Sasuke would've said he was glaring, but the complete lack of emotion in the boy's expression said otherwise. The green eyes bored a hole into his forehead, and he almost shifted uncomfortably before preventing himself from moving. Schooling his vaguely surprised expression, he met the boy's gaze levelly, returning the blank stare.

Sasuke's eyes started to water slightly before too long, so he narrowed his eyes and spun on his heel back to his bed. From the slightly lower down position, he could still see the boy's blood-red hair and the top of his pale forehead through the window of his room. Hoping he was out of view of the other boy, he shivered uncomfortably.

_That boy's fucking creepy, huh?_

* * *

The sounds of people rising finally reached Sasuke's ears, and he could have cheered; but of course, that was very unbecoming of him, and so he forced himself to glare, once again at the resolutely-unchanging wood preventing his escape from the tedious room he was imprisoned in. The boredom was beginning to bite at him, and it felt manufactured and uncomfortable; like someone was deliberately keeping him in the dark to bait feelings of unease in the young boy.

A hesitant knock at the door brought his attention to the window. He inwardly groaned at the pink-haired, smiling female at the door. He dearly wanted to tell her to leave him alone to go slowly insane with boredom, but decided that it probably wasn't the best idea.

When she spoke upon entering, however, he regretted his decision.

"Sasukeeeeeee!" she squealed happily. He died a little inside, but brought his gaze up to hers. "...You remember me, right?"

For a moment, he considered lying, but he decided to humour her and nodded. And promptly had his eardrums nearly burst as she let out a shriek of happiness.

"That's brilliant!" she cried, "Tsunade will be so pleased! You should be proud of yourself, Sasuke!"

He deadpanned her as she ranted. How tedious.

He hadn't done anything, anyway. He wouldn't have known any different if he'd woken up not remembering anything. That thought brought him strangely down to earth; what if he forgot everything again? His blood ran cold at the thought.

_They've been drugging you to make you forget._

But if that was the case, why would they stop? Sasuke shook his head almost imperceptibly, so of course, Sakura didn't notice his strenuous internal battle.

She appeared to finally run out of steam as she stopped talking and seemed to really _look at him_. A brief smile once again appeared upon her features, and she resumed talking, at a much slower pace, and with a much quieter voice. Sasuke was glad. He was beginning to get a headache.

"I'm going to go and get you some breakfast, okay Sasuke? Is there anything you would like?"

_No._

"I don't mind."

_Idiot._

She beamed at him and nodded.

"If you don't like any of it, you can leave it." She said, somewhat in a comforting way. Sasuke stared at her retreating back, slightly confused. He didn't need comforting; he was fine. Was that _pity_ he had heard in her voice? He silently began to fume. _No-one _pitied him. He glared once again at the door. It stared back innocently, and he inwardly cursed his idiocy. How could a door stare, let alone _innocently_?! He really was losing it.

* * *

He relinquished his silent war with the door when Sakura returned, this time bearing a tray of food.

"Eat as much as you want, Sasuke."

She seemed to be watching him carefully, he noted. This made him uncomfortable, and he warily removed the bowl of cereal from the tray she had placed down on his bed.

_She's poisoned it._

He raised the plastic (_not allowed metal, hmn?_) spoon somewhat carefully; the experience felt odd. He knew he'd experienced it before, but it felt odd; like he hadn't done it in a long time. Sasuke scooped out a small spoonful of cornflakes, opening his mouth and placing them inside. It felt awkward chewing them, like his jaw wasn't used to it; _just how had they fed him before?_

He ate a few more spoonfuls then turned to the small stack of toast resting on a small plate. He lifted the triangularly-cut piece to his mouth, and nibbled the corner. The toast was lightly buttered and tasted good; not like hospital food was made out to be, he mused. He took a few bites from the corners, and then set the slice down.

He waited for a few moments, then realised that Sakura obviously wanted vocal confirmation that he had finished.

"I'm done." He said quietly. His voice cracked slightly, and he swallowed, washing the last remnants of his breakfast down his throat.

"Are you sure, Sasuke? That wasn't very much..." He nodded.

"I'm full." He confirmed.

"Very well..." Sakura gave in. She seemed almost disappointed. "I think Tsunade will want to see you in a bit, to record your progress; we'll bring you some more clothes to change into."

He looked down at the baggy white clothing he was already in. There was a loose-fitting, long white top covering the stretchable waistband of fairly comfortable white trousers. Upon closer inspection, he noted, sighing with relief that he was indeed wearing underwear. He froze as he realised that he had probably been dressed by someone else from the experience of eating breakfast; it had felt foreign, even wrong; he sincerely hoped that he was wrong, and it was just the memory loss making things feel that way. He didn't even _want_ to think about Sakura having to dress him...

* * *

As Sakura had said, they brought him some clothes to change into, and then proceeded to change the thin white sheets on his bed. He noticed without surprise, that the clothes were exactly the same as the ones he was already dressed in; white and loose.

_Just thank god they remembered to bring underwear._

* * *

Tsunade arrived a few minutes after he had finished changing. It had been a rather odd experience, and pretty uncomfortable, as the camera in the corner of his room reminded him that he was being watched. He had tried to change as modestly as he could, but it wasn't easy, as the lens moved to him every time he moved, even if he went beneath it.

He was sitting on his bed as she opened the door. She smiled, her lips thinning slightly.

"Sakura tells me you still remember her. Can you remember everything that happened yesterday?"

Nodding, he replied.

"Everything apart from what happened when I passed out, of course."

She coughed slightly, almost as if she was embarrassed.

_Of course she would be. Tranquilisers, idiot. Told you they were drugging you._

She gazed at one of the walls blankly for a moment, and then spoke again.

"Would you be happy to take a trip outside again?"

He surveyed her through slightly narrowed eyes. Seeing no deceit or danger in her eyes, he stood.

"...whatever." he replied nonchalantly.

* * *

It was cloudier that day. The birds still chirped away fairly happily, but instead of a tranquil blue the sky was greying in colour. There were some darker clouds in the distance; they appeared almost ominous against the paler colours closer to Sasuke in the sky.

As he left the warm building, he felt the cool breeze instantly brush his skin, and he found it easier to breathe for some reason. Perhaps it was the constant tension he could feel in the building; the fear that another patient, he assumed would get out of hand and 'lose it'. He didn't care who lost it, of course; it didn't matter to him, as long as he was left alone.

They walked a little way before finding a more secluded area of the hospital's 'garden'. There was a small shielded spot where three walls were, hiding them from the wind. The two of them sat on the light grass; Sasuke revelled in the feeling of just how soft and springy it was. It felt nice under his palms.

"How did you sleep?" Tsunade said, suddenly breaking the comfortable silence that had settled. He gazed at her blankly for a while before slowly answering.

"I woke up this morning. I have no idea what time it was, but I was waiting for some time before Sakura arrived. Apart from that, I slept fine."

Tsunade hmm-ed from a moment.

"If you'd like, we could give you some medication to help you sleep. I'll ask the surveillance what time you woke up and see if you could benefit from some additional help."

She nodded, almost to herself as the silence reappeared, covering Sasuke in its comforting embrace. He could see a boy with dark hair much like his own standing further down the garden.

His hair was short and black, falling flat against his head. He was fairly thin, and had a strong build. Sasuke watched him for a few minutes as the boy stood, unchanging, before the other boy turned to walk away. Noticing Sasuke there, he smiled at him. Sasuke was sure something was wrong with the boy's smile, and he merely nodded back. He didn't feel like smiling.

"Are you feeling alright, Sasuke? What do you feel?"

He paused, mulling over her question in his head. He thought carefully before answering. He wasn't quite sure _what_ he felt.

"I think...I feel calm. I like the outdoors, the way the grass feels; the way the air smells...It feels nice."

Tsunade cocked her head to one side.

"Are you an outdoorsy person?"

"No. Or, at least, I don't think so. It just feels nice. In there-" he jerked his head towards the building, "-it feels tense. I don't like it."

"It has to feel that way. Some people find it a little more difficult to remain in control."

"I know, I didn't say there was anything anyone could do about it. I just don't like it."

Her gaze softened slightly as she watched him. He was staring off into the distance again, some expression in his cloudy gaze. He almost reflected the sky, the way his eyes looked; something _more_ hidden within those black orbs.

"That will do, for now. We think it would be sensible to wait another day before you meet any of the other patients; but if you'd like, we can go now."

He shook his head.

"Tomorrow is fine."

* * *

He was back in his room again. Sakura had apparently gone to find him some lunch; quite _what_, he wasn't sure, but he would have to trust her judgement for now. The red-head in the room opposite his was still there when he checked; just sitting on his bed, staring up out of the window, his gaze fixing upon Sasuke as he watching the other boy. They remained like this until Sakura arrived outside his door, holding a tray full of slightly-steaming food. The boy in the room opposite glared at her back, Sasuke noticed before he turned away to let Sakura enter his room. He sat down upon his bed and waited patiently while she told him what she had brought him.

"There's tomato soup, and some bread; there's cheese here, if you want to make some sandwiches, and some ham, too. There's pasta if you want any of that; I think it's plain, but you could always put some soup on it if you wanted." She smiled at him.

He once again raised his spoon and this time tried the soup. It slid easily down his throat, and he slowly finished half of the bowl before declaring himself finished. He didn't think any of the other food looked appetizing enough.

"Okay, Sasuke, that's fine for now." She lifted the tray and left him alone in the room with his thoughts again. He felt strange; almost like something was missing. It wasn't Sakura; that he was sure of, but he felt like he wanted something, he just wasn't sure what.

To his surprise, she arrived back a few minutes later.

"I almost forgot; do you read?"

He gazed at her oddly for a moment. _Did he read?_ He shrugged at her.

"I guess so. If I was able to read before, I should remember, right?"

"Probably. You remember how to eat and talk and everything else."

He continued to stare at her, silently urging her to continue; get whatever she wanted to say out then leave him alone again.

"Oh! Sorry, I forgot what I was talking about for a moment." Sasuke sweatdropped. "Would you like me to get you a book to read? Today's probably going to be pretty boring." He nodded at her. Anything was better than nothing, he guessed. "What kind would you like?"

"I don't know, I can't remember." Her convenient forgetfulness was beginning to irritate him.

"Sorry, I forgot." She grinned, embarrassment clear across her face. "I'll bring you a selection, okay?"

And with that, she left.

_Moron._

* * *

She arrived back a lot later than he had been expecting; he had expected her to be gone for only a few minutes, but it had felt a lot longer than that. She was clutching a small selection of books; he could see a couple of childishly coloured books amongst a few thicker, more adult-looking ones, with a few in between.

"Sorry, I got caught up; I hope these are okay, Sasuke. Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No." He said, somewhat coldly. He didn't care for her; she could do what she pleased. She smiled at him, looking somewhat dejected as she placed the books at the foot of his bed, and then once again left him alone. He waited a few moments until he was sure she was not coming back, and then shuffled down to the end of his bed to find a book. With relief, he discovered he must indeed be able to read, as the titles of the books made sense. He read the blurbs on the backs of a few, and then selected one of the middle-sized ones. He absent-mindedly began to read it, wondering if the hospital restricted most of their books to nothing that could possibly set and of the patients off. From reading the blurb on the book that he had selected, he assumed that in that hospital; they either didn't, or deemed the book safe for him to read. He settled back, and turned to the first page.

* * *

He guessed that a while must have passed when Sakura appeared again, now bearing dinner. She explained that the slices covered in cheese were pizza, and if he didn't like that, there was some salad and some cheese sticks. According to her, they had pizza and some other forms of 'junk food' once a week in the hospital as a treat.

He ate some of each, appearing to satisfy Sakura with this. She smiled and told him that he had done well, and he simply stared blankly at her, waiting for her to leave after he had finished. He wanted to get back to his book; as much as he wouldn't have liked to admit it to Sakura, he was engrossed in the text; it involved a woman, who was travelling as some sort of good necromancer, trying to find her father or something, he thought. He was about halfway through the text already.

She finally disappeared, and he went back to reading, only to be rudely interrupted by someone else who knocked on his door.

"What?" he exclaimed rather irritably as the door opened. The dark-haired woman at the door smiled, holding up two cups, one filled with water, the other with capsules of what he assumed was medication.

"My name is Nurse Shizune; I have your medication here."

_Poison._

"What is it?" He asked warily. She walked towards him, smiling sweetly.

_Well, she's less annoying than Sakura,_ Sasuke thought. Shizune pointed at two of the pills.

"These two are to help you sleep; the surveillance staff checked, and you _were _up pretty early." She moved he hand to gesture at the other two, "and these are the medication we put you on a few weeks ago; we assume they are what caused your memory to recover slightly. Tsunade thinks that it is best if you continue taking them."

_She's lying._

He nodded at her blankly. She handed him the other cup, which had the water in it, and he swallowed the four pills, one by one.

"Thank you, Sasuke. That will be all for today; feel free to go to sleep." She smiled at him in a strangely knowing way that made him feel uncomfortable. She shut the door and he turned grumpily back to his book. He didn't like interruptions, and he had just gotten to an interesting part of the book.

After a few minutes of reading, his eyelids began to feel very heavy. The drowsiness settled over him like a shroud, and he struggled to continue reading.

_Told you it was poison._

He furrowed his brow and tried to read on, but his concentration slipped and his eyelids grew even heavier. He sighed and put the book down, curling up onto his side. The shroud forced his eyes shut, and he let the darkness take him, mind finally at rest again.

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_A/N: I updated! It's been a while, guys. Sorry ):_

_Anyway, I like writing this, so yes! Updates! I love updates! YAY!_

_Longest chapter so far! :shock: And barely anything happened T__T_

_Cookies to anyone that reviews, and pancakes to anyone that knows which book Sasuke was reading. Pancakes and a MENTION next chapter!_

_OMG what an awesome prize. Heh heh. If you don't like pancakes of cookies...ehh, tough. Ask for something else (:_

_I love your reviews, and think I always reply (:_

_Until next time!_


	7. Part II: 3

* * *

**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

* * *

**Dislaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **Abuse mentionings.

* * *

_A beautiful young woman stood before him, smiling serenely._

_Her brown hair brushed against her shoulders as she tried to calm the child._

_The water was scolding hot upon the little boy's flesh. He was crying at the woman as her firm hands held him in the bath. There was a yellow rubber duck bobbing alongside him._

"_Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay, little one."_

_The boy couldn't stop crying. He was trying to tell her, trying to tell her the water was too hot, that it was hurting him._

_Her cool hands gently pressed against his chest, applying more force as the child resisted. The boy slowly complied and lay back into the burning water, skin rapidly trying to adjust to the heat._

_Loving hands pressed against his small shoulders, pushing the boy back—_

Sasuke sat bolt upright, breathing quickened and slightly panicked. Slowly, as he became aware of his surroundings and remembered the situation, he lowered himself back until he was lying down again.

The scene had been almost nostalgic, and something had been wrong with it.

Something had been very wrong; he just didn't know what.

He stared up at the ceiling, the emotions gone as soon as they had come. It was the same as before; nothing. There was just nothing there. The room was blank, his memories were blank, and _he_ was blank.

_A clean slate._

* * *

"Hello, Sasuke!"

A candyfloss woman beamed down at him. His heart sank.

"Good morning, Sakura." He mumbled nonchalantly. She seemed almost _more_ unbearable than before.

"We're going to go down to the cafeteria this morning!"

Still beaming. Sasuke resisted the urge to smack himself in the forehead with his palm. She was _so_ childish and annoying. He focused on talking instead.

"..Now?"

The lady nodded, grinning brightly.

She placed the pile of clothes that she was carrying down on the bed. The lack of variation in the clothing he had seen was almost saddening.

Sakura left the room to give him some privacy whilst he changed outfits. He pulled the loose white top off over his head, dropping the item onto the bed, away from the clean clothes. Sasuke looked down at his pale chest, noting the sharp ridges at either side of his torso. Shaking his head slightly, he pulled on the clean clothing, switching featureless trousers and underwear. (1)

Sakura opened the door just after he finished. He silently thanked the heavens that he hadn't taken any longer; he would have surely died if she had walked in on him changing.

"To the cafeteria!"

* * *

The hallways were long and the air sterile, as before. There was a boy being escorted by a lady, presumably his nurse or something similar. He was looking down at the ground, shuffling forward slowly. His movements were slow, and he swayed slightly as he walked.

Sasuke and Sakura passed by them, Sasuke managing to tear his gaze away just as the other boy looked up, eyes bleary and slightly unfocused. His gaze had looked almost haunted, and Sasuke had been completely unnerved by it.

He realised he had never asked her.

"What kind of hospital is this?"

She gazed at him, something akin to sympathy in her eyes for a moment before answering.

"We're in a hospital for people that have trouble being outside in the world by themselves; and institution, if you will."

"Why am I here? Amnesia isn't..." he trailed off, thinking.

"You showed some unstable traits; both whilst being here, and from our records, being outside of here as well." The sorrowful expression returned and he scowled. _So that's how it is. They're all 'insane'._

He was suddenly even more unnerved by the thought of the looming meeting with the other patients.

* * *

The cafeteria itself was fairly unremarkable. Several long tables, akin to those you might find in a school, a serving area, a queue, and _people_. Or rather, _patients_.

As the slight buzz of talk gradually quietened, they all collectively turned to stare at him. Every single pair of eyes in the room attached themselves to him, calculating and untrusting. He felt his face drain and tried desperately to continue walking, with the gentle nudging of Sakura by his side.

They were all talking about him. He could tell. Even the ones that weren't opening their mouths were _thinking_ about talking about him. Either that, or thinking bad thoughts about him. Judging him.

He was sure they hated him. Thought him pathetic, unworthy; an unwanted newcomer in their midst of familiarity. His steps felt uneven and awkward, and his stomach was clenching uncomfortably.

He didn't realise that he'd frozen where he was standing until Sakura spoke his name, slightly louder than before. He raised a foot and continued towards the food line, sounds gradually growing quieter around him. His palms were sweating slightly as he reached the pile of plastic white cafeteria trays; he took one into his shaking hands.

Sasuke could still sense all of the eyes trained upon him. He felt like he was going to cry, being the centre of attention; he wished something big or dramatic would happen to remove him from their minds.

He was stood behind a large boy with plump cheeks, who in turn was stood next to a boy with his hair pulled up above his head. His appearance was what Sasuke imagined 'eccentric' to be. As he neared them both, they turned to stare at him too. His chest felt uncomfortably tight, and there was an odd coldness running through his veins. His head began to spin, and he blinked a little stupidly for a moment before he began his graceful descent.

When the darkness finally claimed his deaf body, he welcomed it.

* * *

There was a cold dampness upon his head.

He blinked tired eyes, the plain white ceiling once again coming into view.

He wasn't in his room. That was the first of many things he noticed.

He was lying upon a tiled floor.

He was next to a bath.

"Ah! Mr Uchiha." Sakura smiled in a playful manner. "So nice to have you with us again."

She was sponging his forehead with a cloth of some sort, using the water from the bath. "Tsunade said that once you come around, you should wash."

He nodded at her blankly. The events of earlier were still fresh in his mind.

_He had fainted in front of a room full of insane people that hated him._

As if sensing what was on his mind, Sakura tried to comfort him.

"They won't judge you, you know. Most of them have had their fair share of that kind of thing. Fainting when meeting people for the first time isn't exactly unusual." She patted him on the shoulder, and he cringed away from her touch.

Her words didn't help at all. She seemed to realised this, and sighed. "Anyway. Let's get you sponged down. There's a pair of trunks over there for you, and I'll help you with your hair, since it's probably been a while since you've bathed on your own."

Sasuke couldn't ever remember a time that he'd bathed on his own, so he just nodded as she left the room. He quickly changed into the (plain white) trunks that she had left him and waited for her to return. He left his 'normal' clothing folded in a neat pile upon the floor.

There was a gentle knock, and then the pink-haired nurse re-entered. She beamed at him.

"Ready? Okay! Stand in the water for me."

She made him stand in the bath, and carefully lowered him into the water until he was sitting down. She picked up the cloth that she had been using before, and gently sponged at his shoulders. "I'll help you to begin with, 'nd then you do the rest on your own, alright?"

He nodded. He didn't know what else to do or say. She continued gently washing his shoulders and back, and then placed the cloth to one side.

"I'm going to need to wet your hair now, okay?"

Upon receiving no answer from him, she began to lightly push his shoulders back into the water.

"_Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay, little one."_

_The boy couldn't stop crying. He was trying to tell her, trying to tell her the water was too hot, that it was hurting him._

_Her cool hands gently pressed against his chest, applying more force as the child resisted. The boy slowly complied and lay back into the burning water, skin rapidly trying to adjust to the heat._

_Loving hands pressed against his small shoulders, pushing the boy back—_

_Into the boiling water, her smiling face looking down at him. She pushed him back even further, down, down, until he felt the surface of the water completely cover his face. He tried to scream, but all that came out was bubbles, and there was water rushing into his mouth as he expelled his precious air..._

_The lady still smiled down at him, but now her grip was iron, fierce. He struggled desperately against her hold, and the little boy felt his shoulders bruising in her grasp as water rushed into his lungs, steadily filling them. The sound of his own heartbeat pounding grew loud in his ears, until he could hear nothing else, and see only black spots covering his vision of the smiling woman._

"_It's okay, little one. Everything will be alright."_

* * *

"And I suppose, that you're going to tell me _why_ Sakura is in the infirmary?"

"Knocked out, ma'am. Took a blow to the head. Master Uchiha was sitting in the bathtub, screaming."

Tsunade massaged her temples gently. This week was not going at all smoothly.

"Is she badly injured?"

"No, ma'am. She might have a concussion, though, ma'am."

Perfect. So now, not only was one of her valued nurses out of play for a few days, but the only nurse that Sasuke appeared to trust to a degree was the nurse in question. _Great_. Now she'd have to assign him someone else for a few days, and there was little chance he was going to trust them as quickly.

She could only think of one person who might be a) available, and b) vaguely trustworthy;

"Can you get me Naruto, please?"

* * *

(1)Yes, Sasuke is _only_ going to examine his chest. *facepalm*

_A/N: I'm sorry at how dreadfully short this chapter is, but I wanted to cut it off here. Also, I'm sorry for not updating in so long T__T Please don't kill me..._

_Anywho, new system! Instead of cookies for reviews, I now send you all different kinds of foods! And you all get unique ones! So, if you get, say, beans on toast, you will be the only one with that food. Unless I forget. Which is unlikely._

_Anway, I love you guys. Thanks for reading, even if you don't like ^__^_

_Reviews make meals!_

_panda-sensei~_


	8. Part II: 4

* * *

**.:Living, of Course, Isn't Any Newer:.**

* * *

**Dislaimer: **I do not own Sergei Yesenin's poem, the reference for the title, and of course, I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **Abuse mentionings.

* * *

Wide eyes stared at the white wall opposite.

The occasional pearly tear dripped from the boy's chin as he stared, mind in turmoil as he tried to control his thoughts.

His throat was sore and his voice hoarse from screaming, and his head seemingly filled with mist from yet another battle with the tranquiliser.

Today was not a good day, he decided.

There was something in his head that was most _certainly_ not his, and he wanted it gone.

_It's the medicine. They're putting something in the medicine._

Paranoid eyes blinked once, and then continued staring blankly ahead.

* * *

"How long has he been sitting like that?"

"About six hours, give or take a bit."

The doctor ran his hands through his blonde hair, sighing. Tsunade had said this one might be complicated.

"Did you give him any sleeping tablets last night?"

"No. Doctor Tsunade said we should give him some time, and if he asked Doctor Tsunade when she came to see him a few hours ago, we could give him some then. I think she wanted to know whether sleeping would become an issue or not."

"Alright. And duties are passed almost completely over to me?"

"That's right."

* * *

Sasuke instinctively flinched away as the door opened, and then settled back into his stiffened position. A young man with blonde hair and pretty blue eyes walked in, shoes clicking slightly upon the laminate surface.

"Hello Master Uchiha. My name is Doctor Uzumaki, but you can just call me Naruto!" the young man beamed, rubbing the back of his hair with one hand. Sasuke gave no inclination that he'd heard at all, and the young doctor sighed and sat on the chair opposite his charge's bed.

"How're things going, Sasuke?"

The clouds hovering above Sasuke's head were dangerously close to raining down upon him. The normality in Naruto's tone was stifling, and his thoughts were too confusing. He wanted desperately to cry, but his pride prevented him from doing so in front of the young man.

"How're you finding your room? Entertaining?"

_Isn't it just._

"Y'know, you must be an expert at this calm thing, if I was in here, I'd probably be bouncing off the walls by now. Wanna go outside?"

Sasuke looked away from the wall he'd been having a glaring match with and at the doctor for the first time since he'd started talking.

"I'll take that as a yes. Come on, grumpy!"

_Idiot._

* * *

"Man, it's a beautiful day! Doesn't it just make you want to sing?"

Sasuke was becoming increasingly uncomfortable in the presence of his new doctor, who seemed to be on an ever-worsening sugar rush. He absently wondered who was the more 'sane' of the two of them.

"Y'know, when I was younger, I used to just stare at the clouds for hours." Naruto said, absently gazing skyward. "It's kind of calming. I used to do it whenever I felt bad about anything, or angry."

Sasuke looked upward, maintaining his silence. He could see the clouds drifting along, almost peacefully. He wished he were a cloud. You couldn't drown clouds.

He hated the feeling of haze in his mind, he hated being stuck alone for hours and he hated not knowing. Not remembering.

* * *

Naruto smiled at the boy before him.

"Feeling any better?"

"A little." Sasuke murmured. In truth, Sasuke had found the blonde's presence strangely comforting, and had liked that he had just been left to think. It hadn't been uncomfortable without any conversation, like it was with most people; the two of them had just relaxed and watched the clouds drift by.

"Ready to talk a little?"

The boy on the bed shifted his position slightly so he was facing Naruto more.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Whatever you want. Your likes, dislikes, fears, wants... anything you want to talk about."

Sasuke was pleasantly surprised by this. He had been expecting the psychiatrist song and dance routine Doctor Tsunade had given him. Though, from what he had gathered, his Doctor wasn't exactly the regular kind. Something about Naruto was just…different.

"Well...I like…I like tomatoes. Sakura brought me some a few days ago."

"That's nice. Any goals or aspirations?"

Sasuke eyed him for a moment before changing the subject back.

"What's your favourite food?"

Naruto looked surprised, and smiled at the raven-haired teen before him.

"Ramen, of course. Can never have too much ramen." A dreamy look overtook his features and his eyes drifted skywards. "Now, a goal or aspiration? It doesn't have to be anything important."

Sasuke closed his eyes and thought. What _were_ his goals? He couldn't remember much, so that could be a goal...but how was he supposed to make himself remember? It was too specific a goal anyway...

"I want to know why I'm here. I want to know why I can't remember."

"That sounds reasonable." Naruto said, voice slightly muffled by the hand that his chin was leaning on. "I'd say, that gives you two immediate choices. You can either have therapy aimed at unearthing your memories for you, or you can wait and see if they come back on their own. Of course, there's a chance that they won't, but then you've got another dilemma. People normally don't block out memories unless under events of extreme distress that the mind just can't handle with. You've got to take into consideration that your mind probably has a good reason for blanking these memories of yours. Are you sure you want to know?"

* * *

Brow furrowed, Sasuke started to consider what the blonde had said earlier. He really hadn't taken that fact into consideration. Did he _really_ want to know?

…Of course he did. It was his life, his experiences.

_I told you they were keeping your memories from you. They don't want you to know._

But what if they were really awful?

What if they would completely mess everything up? Make it impossible for him to live normally?

Sasuke massaged his temples wearily. He just didn't know.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the smiling woman looking down at him, lulling him as she pushed him back into the water. He could almost feel his breath hitching at the thought, and clasped his hands over his ears, eyes snapped wide open.

* * *

"How was Sasuke earlier, Naruto?"

"He seemed in thought a lot. He didn't say anything about what happened yesterday, and we didn't really talk much. He seems to be a good kid. I gave him some stuff to think about."

"Oh?"

"Mmm. I reiterated that his memories were probably gone for a good reason."

"Ah. That seems sensible."

"I thought it would be a good idea. I'll go and see him again tomorrow, if that's alright?"

"That should be fine."

Tsunade shuffled her papers around a little, and then clicked through a few documents on her computer.

"We've had a few requests for a visit with Sasuke." She said. Naruto's brow furrowed.

"A man claiming to be his brother is asking for audience with him. I'm not sure what to make of this request, as we have no records of his family, and he hasn't mentioned remembering any of them. From Sasuke's actions and reactions to certain things, as well as his complete lack of memory, I'm not sure whether such a visit would be beneficial to him. Certainly, I wouldn't allow any visits until Sasuke seems completely ready. What is your opinion on the matter?"

"I…I agree. I don't think he's ready yet. However, we'll have to meet with his 'brother' on his own before we even consider allowing the visit, so it could be a good opportunity to see if we can uncover anything to help Sasuke."

"Right you are. I'll schedule a meeting with him for next week."

The male nodded and left the room. Tsunade sighed wearily and gazed at her computer screen.

"Itachi Uchiha, huh…"

* * *

_A/N; I'm sorry it's been so long, I hit real writer's block with this. I also think this is extremely unrealistic, and I don't have much faith in my skillzzz right now. I'm sorry this is so short, I struggled to write this much as it is ^^'_

_It's kind of just a filler chapter, for Sasuke to meet Naruto. I swear it'll get more interesting soon (:_

_Review please, guys, even if it's just to tell me how much you hate me for not updating, and how rubbish and short this is ^__^_

_I'm updating this as my birthday present to all of you, and I plan to update Into the Closet when I can too (:_

_16th July, baby!_


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